We Get d'Arab MonAyyy!
by Hollywood Boulevards
Summary: What happens when 4 NXT rookies' and their pros' plane crashes in the Sahara Desert? They get in a whole mess of trouble! Featuring NXT season 1 pros and rookies! Will they make it back in time for NXT? First story! Longer than anticipated...R&R pleez!
1. B4U! It's a DDR band play the game

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Before you read, I got inspiration to write this story from Busta Rhymes's song "Arab Money" **

**(I like the remix better). So that's what's up with the title. I own nothing here, duh, except for the idea of the story. **

**PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! I NEED TO KNOW IF I HAVE AN AUDIENCE OUT THERE SO I CAN WRITE THE NEXT **

**STUFF! Sorry no slash or sex scenes. Darn I lost you already huh? Rated T because I'm cool. They might start **

**cussing more once they start losing their heads from the dehydration and maybe some PG-13 references about**

**sex or something that reminds us these are very straight men LOL And if you don't understand my movie/tv show references, **

**I'm sorry. These are things probably only me and the sis understand :/ Happy reading!  
**

* * *

"Come on hurry up!" Jericho yelled at the rookies behind him struggling to keep up with his pace. "I can't BELIEVE you guys talked

us into a DDR dance off at the arcade."

Wade Barrett turned his head around and glared at Daniel Bryan, Justin Gabriel, and Heath Slater. He was the only one who didn't think it was a good idea to challenge their pros at a DDR-off 45 minutes before their plane took off. But did anybody listen? No.

Matt Hardy had no clue how to play so 10 minutes were spent and $6.25 in quarters on Matt feebly attempting to copy the green-haired character with the big weird space boots stepping left, up, and down. Daniel Bryan and Heath Slater obviously knew what they were doing when they challenged their pros because only those two could actually pass Afronova on Heavy Christian and Jericho tried their hand at the machine they soon became intrigued and addicted to the flashy lights, loud techno music, bright colors, and the stepping of the arrows.

"Check me out!" Christian delightedly proclaimed proud of himself for passing one of the Paranoia songs in Standard.

Now it was the Miz and Justin Gabriel's turn. Always the douche in situations that call for competition, Miz haughtily stated,

"I gotta play you? This will be easy." Justin Gabriel replied, "I have a secret weapon he smiled."

Miz didn't know what surprised him more; the fact that Gabriel actually spoke or that he challenged his awesomeness. Gabriel pulled his pants as he yelled "SHABOOM" and revealed he still had his boots on! And another, tighter pair of pants…

"Oh snap!" Slater yelled as he did that hand snap thing that Ali G does. "Hella pro!" Bryan said.

Slater and Bryan later had to explain to the pros that the people who are beast at DDR are goth kids or Asians. Why are goth kids so good? Because of their boots. The group was in awe at the sight of Gabriel pwn'ing the Miz in every level. He even made it solo past the 3 Challenge songs! He even knew how to use the bar like a pro.

Only Wade Barrett didn't play.

"This is so stupid," he muttered to himself as he decided to take out his disapproval on the zombies in House of the Dead 4.

He was a little self-conscious of his lack of dancing skills let alone, dancing on a video game in public and sucking at it and not caring what people think skills. Despite what the rookies, pros, and WWE universe thought, Wade Barrett was very self-conscious of what people thought of him.

Time went on and the quarters were flowing into that machine like Rednecks going to a NASCAR race. The rookies and pros were so busy playing they didn't notice their phones ring and they missed calls and "WHERE ARE YOU?" texts from the other superstars about to board the plane. While Barrett was trying to uncover the mystery of Pandora's Box and the whereabouts of G, his phone, excuse me "Blackberry", vibrated and he saw it was a text from Darren Young.

"Ew," he said as he ignored it and put the phone back into his pocket. "Some things are just a little more important," he said quite pleased with himself that he chose instead to shoot the zombie vultures instead of answering Darren Young. He was such a badass.

"Oh man I'm so tired! Dudes we are gonna stink up that airplane! You should have told me I was gonna sweat so much!"

Christian playfully punched Slater on the arm. "I'm gonna go rinse my face."

Christian headed to the bathroom and was the only one in there. It was quiet. Suddenly his ringtone went off " GO! If you close your eyes…" Christian jumped and nearly dropped his phone!

"15 missed calls? 23 new messages? 7 new voicemails? No more paper towels?"

Christian suddenly felt like he was in an episode of the Twilight Zone.

"GUYS!" Christian screamed as he ran out of the bathroom, "We have to go!"

The guys were laughing and then they became silent and their smiles began to fade away.

Just a few more seconds of a dramatic stare between the men and they understood. They quickly grabbed their bags like they were on SuperMarket Sweep and ran out the arcade room. Within seconds Wade Barrett's character was mauled by zombies and the GAME OVER title appeared asking him to place his initials. He got first place, but unfortunately would never be able to inscribe his name and mark his place in House of the Dead 4 history…

* * *

**Ok so after reading this I hope you can see that I don't really take it seriously and neither should you. Just enjoy the story! Sorry if my writing style offends you but that's just how I see things lol.**

**What did you think? Will they make it in time for the flight? I hope so! *crosses fingers*  
**


	2. Shoulda Stayed Home Today

Now the four rookies and their pros were desperately trying to make their 1:45pm(13:45 international time y'all!) flight out of Cairo, Egypt. They had filmed Smackdown and NXT the night before and were headed back to the U.S.

"Oh shit I see the plane it's still here! We're gonna make it!" Matt Hardy proclaimed excitedly.

They saw their Air France jetliner was still here. As they ran they saw the flight lady closing the door.

"NO! HEY LADY KEEP THE DOOR OPEN!" The Miz yelled at the Egyptian attendant.

She shook her head in confusion. "Shit she doesn't understand English!" Slater declared.

"And after all those years under British rule," Wade shook his head in dismay.

The gate was closed and the airplane turned on its engines. It was too late.

The rookies and pros were too saddened and shocked to say anything. They just stood at the window watching the plane turn, go down the runway and take off. Justin Gabriel had his hands and face pressed on the glass sniffing quietly. Jericho was slumped in his chair with his face buried in his hands. Matt Hardy slowly took out a box of orange flavored Tic Tacs and began chugging those little suckers down. He over-ate when he was depressed and Tic Tacs was all he had. Daniel Bryan chuckled at the irony of it all and Wade Barrett just blankly stared out the window as he sat next to Jericho just shaking his head. He couldn't believe this had happened. Slater groaned loudly and then began to sob.

Christian became a little embarrassed and began to cover his face with his

hand avoiding eye contact with the public telling Slater, "Ok take it easy. People are watching."

Only Miz broke the sentimental moment the guys so rarely experience.

"Uh guys? What's the big deal. We tell them we missed the flight and get on the next plane!  
So what if we're a few hours late? The show isn't until 5 days."

* * *

"I'm sorry sir but that's the last flight for today," the attendant who actually speaks English replied.

"What we can do is book a hotel and you can wait until the earliest flight tomorrow at 5:15 a.m.(still just 5:45 in international time y'all!)"

"Ugh," Miz groaned, he really hated waking up at the butt crack of dawn. It's bad for the bags under your eyes you know?

"Excuse me gentlemen," a voice from behind them said, "I couldn't help but overhear your predicament. I'm actually headed your direction so I wouldn't mind giving you a lift."

The group was startled at this mysterious man. He was dressed in a nice suit, had his hair nicely cut and gelled and had nothing but a briefcase so he looked legit.

"Um not trying to be rude, but where did you come from?" Jericho asked.

"I have been standing here literally the entire time you have been here," the man replied.

"Oh. Well I'm embarrassed," Jericho replied as he looked down to the floor.

"We would have to leave now though, I have an important business meeting."

The group didn't hesitate twice and grabbed their stuff and followed the man outside towards his private jet.

"Wow we sure are pretty lucky huh?" Gabriel punched Wade Barrett. " I dunno man. It's a little too convenient for my tastes," he replied shaking his head.

"Oh come on, what's gonna happen? Are we gonna crash? You need to lighten up," Daniel Bryan smiled as he walked up the stairs onto the private jet.

"Every time I'm with you three fools something has to happen. And it _always does_." With one last sigh, Wade Barrett walked up the stairs into this mystery man's private jet.

* * *

"Oh uh, hello. Passengers boss?" the pilot asked the mystery man.

"Yeah just some men who missed their flight en-route to the United States. Thought I'd help them out. Shrimp?" The man offered Daniel Bryan a shrimp cocktail one of the flight attendants had prepared.

"Uh no thanks, I'm vegan," Daniel politely declined.

"Vegan?" The woman asked.

"It means he's gay," Miz bluntly stated. The attendant just smiled awkwardly and headed to the back to prepare the men some drinks.

"What the hell bro?" The others couldn't help but to laugh.

"What? That's basically what being vegan is. And if you're vegetarian then you're bi. If you don't like meat, there's no way you're into girls either. How can bang chicks when you don't eat meat?" Miz retorted.

The two went back and forth about how many girls they've been with, Miz saying Bryan was lying, Bryan saying he can pick up more girls at a club in one night and Miz can in a year, then the others got in on it, throwing some yo mama jokes here and there, then making fun of CM Punk's straight edge crusade whilst they sipped their champagne the attendant brought to them and just turning into one of the most irrelevant arguments ever discussed amongst WWE wrestlers.

"Where's that one guy?" Slater asked once the pointless bickering had ceased.

"He went to use the bathroom right?" Christian asked.

"Yeah but he's been there for a while," Matt answered.

Jericho just shrugged it off saying, "A man has the right to shit as long as he needs to in the comfort of his own jet," while taking a bite out of a shrimp.

The attendant walked in when he said that and there was an awkward silence. She refilled their glasses and glanced sideways, anywhere in the room that wasn't their faces. As soon as she left the 8 burst into laughter. Their good time came to end when suddenly the airplane started violently rumbling.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP followed right afterward.

"WE'RE GONNA DIE!" shrieked Heath, "HOLD ME CHRISTIAN!"

"GET THE FUCK OFF ME!" Christian pushed Slater off to Barrett.

"Don't touch me," Barrett calmly but seriously warned an emotional Slater.

"It's just turbulence," Gabriel nervously assured his buddy Slater.

"Yeah that's it! Happens all the time no big deal right?" He nervously looked around for somebody to agree with him, but the others just stared and exchanged blank glances with each other.

Just then the flight attendant emerged from the back and yelled toward the cockpit, "Alonso, Lester! What's happening!"

"I don't know!" replied Lester.

"I think the engine went out. We're losing altitude. We're gonna have to make an emergency landing," answered Alonso.

"Phew, ok I thought it was something worst," replied the attendant.

"Let me just get the brakes ready and we ca-wait. Why aren't the brakes working? The brakes aren't working!" screamed Lester.

"Alonso why aren't the brakes working?" shrieked Miz.

Just then, in perfect timing too, the mystery man bust through the bathroom door only this time he had a brown cowboy hat on, a light brown jacket and a button up shirt with that silver thingy cowboys wear on their collars. "BECAUSE I CUT THE BRAKES. WILDCARD BITCHES! YEE-HAW!" And with that jumped out the emergency exit.

"Wait, what the fuck just happened?" Jericho demanded.

The pilots and attendant groaned and then sighed. "You see Mr. Fantana has split personalities," the attendant explained as she opened a cabinet handing 2 parachute packs to the pilots and putting one on herself. "Sometimes he's feeling like kid at Disneyland."

"Or sometimes even like Tammy," Alonso grinned at Lester and the attendant , who's name was April because I forgot to mention that but we're just going to call her "the attendant", about one of the funniest moments at the three of them had spent employed under Mr. Fantana. The three couldn't help but to laugh.

"Sometimes he goes completely nuts. More than he already is," Lester continued as he helped the attendant put her parachute on, "Today he felt like Charlie Day in the episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia when they try to solve that gas crisis."

"I remember that episode!" Daniel Bryan interrupted.

"Oh yeah that's when Mac says he's the brains, Dennis the looks and Charlie the wildcard," Matt said obviously forgetting the situation he was in.

"Hey Daniel! SHHH" Miz angrily held his index finger toward his mouth.

"Yep that's the episode!" Alonso agreed as he, Lester, and the attendant moved towards the exit.

"W-wait! What about us? How are we supposed to get off this plane?" Barrett asked nervous and more afraid then he's ever been in his life. Even more than the time that dog followed him home into the alley and then...well let's just not go there.

"Oh right. Well you see we didn't anticipate more passengers. It's usually just us four. So…" the attendant just trailed off.

She didn't need to finish her sentence for the others to understand.

"Ah don't worry! You guys are gonna survive! We'll probably end up running into each other again," Lester assured the men.

"Bye guys it was nice meeting you! And don't forget to brace for the impact. It usually helps."

The attendant waved as she jumped out the emergency door and was then followed by Lester and Alonso.

"AAAHHHHHHH" Everybody screamed.

There was nothing else to do. Slater began sobbing again, louder this time.

"What's gonna happen to us!" Daniel Bryan screamed.

"I don't know, but I'm gonna hold you tight and never let go!" Miz held Daniel in the most emotional hug a man can ever give another man and still not be gay.

The others gathered around for a massive group hug, pro hugging rookie the way parents try and comfort scared children, except for Jericho. That was like the opposite of a parent hugging a child and the whole size thing was kinda awkward but neither Jericho nor Barrett were thinking about that. The airplane was headed down, straight into the sandy dunes of the Sahara. The dunes got bigger, and bigger, and bigger and then….BOOM. The plane finally touched the ground.

* * *

**D'aaw they hugged! Will they survive the crash? How are they going to get to NXT? Review please! I wanna know if it's worth me to write the next chapter :/  
**


	3. Same as it ever was Same as it ever was

**WARNING! : I cranked this chapter out at night and I was sick and VERY sleepy from not sleeping the night before.**

** Man writing the end of this was tough for me lol. Apologies if it lacks in...well stuff. Sorry for any spelling/grammar mistakes. I'm really sleepy right now lol**

* * *

"Ow," Jericho groaned as he opened his eyes and slowly sat up.

"Man that was some crazy party," he said as he held his forehead.

"Wait, this is not my beautiful house! This is not my beautiful wife!"

He started freaking out at the sight of Heath Slater with his head on his lap. SMACK

"Ouch! What the hell man? That really hurts, naw mean?" Slater complained.

Right on cue Wade Barrett got up like hearing those awful morning alarms. Somehow his head got into one of the refrigerators so he still thought it was the morning and he was in his hotel, the poor fool. Wade, eyes still closed, rolled over and stretched his arm out to give Slater a smack.

"How many times have I told you if you say that one more time I'm going…"

He stopped as he felt no bed but sand. "The fuck?"

Then the memories came back in the form of a really bad headache. He got his head out of the fridge to see Jericho and Slater slowly getting up a few feet away. He checked his face and felt something weird. His nose!

He ran his finger down the bridge of his nose. It was….straight!

His eyes lit up and he whispered, "It's fixed! It's finally fixed!"

Unfortunately for Wade, Slater was still alive. He didn't see Wade sitting up, just a mini-fridge with the door open. Being the emotional one, he was very frustrated at his situation and the thought that his friends might have not all made. So he walked up behind the fridge and kicked the door shut.

"WHAT THE FUCK! BLOODY FUCKING HELL!"

It was music to Slater's ears. "Wade you're all right!" Slater proclaimed with joy.

"The hell I am! You just fucking broke my nose you fucking ginger-haired, pink looking motherf-"

"Glad to see you're ok Wade," Jericho helped Wade up.

"Likewise Mr. Jericho," Wade still rubbing his nose. There goes his chance at a "Dior Homme: Cologne for Men" commercial.

"Come on let's find the others!" Slater led the group through the wreckage.

* * *

Under one of the airplane's wings, they found Gabriel and Christian hunched over Miz's body.

"Hey guys you all rig-" Jericho was cut of with a "SHHHH" by both men. They pointed to Miz.

"Uh…what's going on?" Slater asked.

As Wade, Jericho, and Slater peered over Gabriel and Christian's shoulders, they saw Miz with a snake crawling on his chest. The three gasped.

Gabriel whispered, "I think it's asleep. We're trying to figure out how to get it off."

"Is it poisonous?" asked Barrett.

"No, I don't think so. He didn't make Animal Planet's Most Extreme: Venom, Killers, OR Poison episode so I think we're good," replied Christian.

Just then, Miz started moving and mumbling, "Flowers? For me? Oh I do declare Mr. Boagart."

The others just looked at each other; they were going to save that one for another time.

The snake started hissing and Gabriel started poking it with a wire he found.

"Come on get it off before he gets up! That snake looks pissed!" Jericho instructed Gabriel. Suddenly, Miz instantly got up, eyes half closed and still groggy.

"I want names and I'm not afraid to tango!"

Rule #8572 of the Sahara: Never threaten a snake.

The snake instantly bit his nose and was hanging there like a really long booger. Miz ran around screaming, "GET IT OFF ME!" Like a bad scene from Snakes on a Plane.

He tripped on Matt's belly who was lying next to a piece of the plane's tail. The snake fell off and slithered away. Lucky for Miz, it wasn't poisonous like Christian said. So as anti-climatic as that little episode was, only two small holes were left in Miz's nose. Now he doesn't have to pay for two piercings there…

"Matt you ok?" Christian asked kneeling over him as he searched for his peeps, oh wait. No. He was just covering his eyes from the sun.

"Yeah fine."

"You hurt?"

"Nope."

Christian didn't know what else to say until Miz cut in, "Matt get your fat ass up!"

Matt looked up at Miz. The others looked at Matt and then Miz. It got a little quiet.

Matt blinked, wiped his hair back and replied, "Ok."

Miz nervously looked around. He was pretty sure Matt was going to sit on him or do something worse…much worse.

"You looked scared there," Slater chuckled.

"Shut up Pinky." Miz spat back.

Slater went from his natural, pinky color to a red. A bright red. This guy sure was a chameleon.

"Ok Matt, Christian, Slater, Wade, Gabriel, Miz, uh we missing anybody?" Jericho asked.

"Nah I think we're all here and accounted for," Miz shrugged. "OW! What the hell?"

"YOU FORGET ABOUT ME ALREADY?" Daniel Bryan threw peanut packs at Miz as he climbed out of the tail of the airplane. Bryan had been scavenging the inside of the plane and found plenty of ammunition.

"Ow! Quit it!" Bryan continued to throw the packets.

"Yeah you'd like that wouldn't you?"

This time he started throwing moist towlet packets and then he took off his shoe and threw it at him.

"Alright you two knock it off! This isn't NXT sheesh!" Matt helped Jericho pull the two away.

"Ok, well, from the looks of it, we all made it in one piece. Doesn't look like any of us suffered anything other than a few cuts, bruises, and maybe some burns," Jericho examined his pants that were torn, like everybody else's clothes.

"Looks like it's going to be dark soon," he said as he pointed to the setting sun.

"We're gonna have to sleep here so I suggest we-" before he could finish, the group ran into the salvaged chunk of the plane and settled themselves inside where the comfy couch and chairs remained intact.

Wade claimed the couch because he was the longest member.

Gabriel and Slater sat in two chairs next to each other, Matt and Daniel shared a pilot chair they propped up on its back,

Christian and Miz grabbed the seat cushions for two chairs and set themselves on top of the attendant's chair in the back.

"Um yeah. Do that…" Jericho scratched the back of his head and then climbed in.

"I guess tomorrow when we wake up we can all," Jericho stopped as all the men instantly fell asleep. "We can all figure out a way out of this," he finished mumbling to himself.

He ripped the cushion from the pilot chairs off and fashioned himself a nice little pillow and ripped one of the curtains concealing the cockpit. He laid down on the floor in between the couch and chairs looking up at the sky and sighed.

Barrett turned his head and looked down at Jericho from the couch and said, "Any chance we're going to make it out of this?"

" I don't know Wade," Jericho sighed. "I'm not used to these things happening."

Wade nodded and then, like in most comedy movies, the classic fart breaking the sentimental silence made its entrance.

Wade and Jericho just stared at each other until the fart was done. Both were too tired to find out who supplied it and Wade just turned his head, facing up to the sky as well.

He let out a big ol' groan and Jericho answered, "You better get some sleep Barrett. We have a lot to do tomorrow and I don't want to see on Twitter you tweeting about how 'Insomnia wins again' or 'Insomnia strikes again' or 'Oh my gosh Slater snores like a wild beast."

Wade turned a bright red, but luckily nobody would notice because it was night already and he was lucky enough to not fall into the category of "pasty English people."

He just pulled the covers he fashioned out of curtains over his head to hide his embarrassment from Mr. Chris Jericho. He really hates disappointing his mentor.


	4. Piggy Dies in the Book

**Author's Note: SHORT CHAPTER Sorry to disappoint. I'll have a longer one soon I just wanted to get something through to you guys not to leave you hanging. Enjoy and REVIEW. Please. No really, review it guys!**

The Miz was the first to wake up from all the superstars. He had this horrible dream that Daniel Bryan ended up getting signed to WWE without winning NXT. Miz had to fight Daniel for the United States championship. What's worse, he lost! Miz turned his head to where Bryan was sleeping. "Phew," he sighed, "He's still a nerd."

The others slowly all woke up either from the bad dreams they had, the noise of others rummaging the airplane for breakfast, or from the bad gas that they got in the morning. After a breakfast of peanuts, bad shrimp and room temperature marinara sauce, and warm champagne Jericho called a meeting. He sat in the cockpit while the others filed in the chairs that were still left intact.

"Ok everybody listen up. Because I'm the highest ranking superstar here and am the oldest and have been in the business longer than any of you, I'm going to be the leader."

"I smell some Lord of the Flies shit here," Slater whispered to Daniel who nodded.

"Uh Slater if you have anything to say, you're gonna raise your hand and wait patiently until I call on you," Jericho looked at Slater who again started to change color.

Miz and Barrett were sitting behind the two snickering amongst themselves.

"Anyways back to me. We need to decide how we're going to get out of here. We can't stay here because we're going to run out of supplies. So what we need to decide is what direction we're headed, what we're going to bring, and how we're going ration everything."

"Yeah Matt, _ration, _as in, you better not stuff your fat ass or we all die," Miz sneered to Matt who was sitting across from him.

Christian looked at Matt who returned his glance with a shrug.

* * *

After a few minutes of discussion, they agreed to head west in the direction the airplane was flying. Lucky for a few of the superstars, their luggage survived the crash. Others who were not so lucky had to share clothes.

"You uh, have anything else?" asked Matt when Wade opened his luggage revealing a color assortment of button up dress shirts.

"Erm," Wade scratched the back of his head.

"Never mind."

"Wait don't r-"

Matt ripped the sleeves off the black shirt Wade handed him. Wade sighed and just shook his head as he rolled his sleeves up. Matt didn't get it.

"Gross put some clothes on!"

Christian threw a pair of his jean to Slater who changed into his trunks.

"What? We're stuck in the desert, it's hot, and I need to work on my tan. Besides the ladies love the trunks."

"You're pink! You can't tan! You're just gonna end up like a burnt piece of ham!"

"Well it's hot anyways. I'm gonna burn if I put some pants on."

This time Jericho joined in adding, "Are you fucking crazy? We're in a fucking Arab country! What are they going to think when they see a white guy walking around in a pair of underwear? They're going to stone all to death for sodomy you raccoon eating, red-neck mutha-"

Slater got quiet and hung his head. He put on a pair of jeans over his trunks. "Still gonna wear my trunks," he muttered to himself. The ladies _always_ go for the trunks.

* * *

A few minutes later, everybody was suited up and packed. All they carried were some extra clothes, bottles of water and champagne, some snacks that were unspoiled, and a few tools and pieces of the airplane Miz was convinced they needed for weapons.

"Look I don't wanna get kidnapped by some desert merchant and get traded somewhere to fight to the death."

"You're thinking of Gladiator and that happened thousands of years ago," Gabriel rolled his eyes.

"Yeah yeah we'll see you're gonna thank me later when something happens to you guys."

By now it was sunset. They had decided to travel at night so they could use the stars to navigate themselves. Very old school move. Wade thought of it. And you thought a degree in marine biology would be a wasteful.

"Ok guys you ready to do this?" Jericho said as he adjusted the bandanna on his head.

"I don't wanna die," Slater blurted out.

"Son of a bitch," Christian muttered to himself.

"We survived the crash, how bad can this be?" Gabriel nudged Slater with his elbow.

"Yeah what could possibly go wrong?" asked Daniel.

Wade looked up and narrowed his eyes. "Wait, I heard this before…" He tried thinking hard. Where did this scenario get played out again? He couldn't remember. It had something to do with Gabriel, Slater, and Bryan and how upbeat they were. Oh well. I'm sure it was going to come back to him eventually.

The stars came out in full force. The guys have never seen so many stars. It was difficult to make out simple and basic constellations like Ursa major and minor or Orion.

"Ok Wade, lead the way Mr. Navigator," Jericho put his arm on Wade's shoulder.

Wade swallowed and took a deep breath. "Um that way." The grouped walked in the direction Wade pointed. Little by little the crash site and the airplane grew smaller, and smaller, and smaller.


	5. When did we get to Disneyland?

"Uh this way," Wade Barrett said as he looked up into the sky.

A few steps later, "Uh no wait this way."

"Man do you even know where you're going?" Daniel Bryan asked.

"Shut up," Barrett replied without looking.

"Are we there yet?" Slater asked.

" You keep whining and dragging your feet like that you're going to make this trip longer than it has to be," Christian slapped Heath on the back of the head.

"Ow!"

The journey towards salvation was not going well for our heroes. They were tired, hungry, and above all annoyed.

* * *

After a bunch of hours of moaning and groaning, Jericho broke the silence.

"Let's all try and do something to entertain ourselves," Jericho suggested.

Everybody groaned in unison.

"Well fine. I'm trying to be a good leader here and boost your morale, but if you guys are gonna act like dicks that's fine too," Jericho stomped off ahead of Wade.

Wade turned around to the others and glared at them. In a low voice so Jericho wouldn't hear, Wade told the others, "You need to show Mr. Chris Jericho some respect. The man is trying to lead us and the least you could do is pretend to act like you care."

After a few seconds the group burst into laughter.

"Man can you believe this guy?" Miz asked Gabriel.

"I know! You guys call me the gay one!" Gabriel replied.

"He's only ass kissing so he can win NXT!" Daniel exclaimed.

"Hell no MY rookie is winning that!" exclaimed Christian.

Then the group erupted into an argument on which rookie reigns supreme and Wade just shook his head and sighed as he continued forward. A few feet ahead of the group Wade abruptly stopped right behind Jericho who was just standing.

"You alright?" Barrett asked.

"Look," Jericho pointed forward. Both were staring ahead in the distance as the others bumped into them.

"Ow!"

"What the?"

"Oof!"

"What are you guys loo-" Miz trailed off as he and the rest of the group got quiet and looked on.

The sun was rising. As it got brighter they saw what appeared as a mirage. It looked like Egyptian ruins but as the sun rose higher, the mirage became still. There were Egyptian columns and statues everywhere.

"Awesome!" Slater yelled as he ran towards the ruins.

Christian quickly followed yelling, "Heath get back here you little shit!"

"Wait Christian don't…" Matt ran after his friend.

"Last one there is a nerdy ass loser!" Miz pushed Daniel as he ran towards the ruins.

As Daniel ran past Gabriel, Wade, and Jericho, Gabriel looked at the last two remaining men. He shrugged and ran towards the ruins too. Wade was getting that nervous tingly feeling in his spine again. Jericho seemed to be able to read his thoughts because when Wade looked at him Jericho said , "I'm not liking this either, but right now we have no other choice. Come on."

* * *

"Well at least we have a place to stay now," Matt said.

When the group arrived, they found some tents and crates with supplies. After everybody set up their sleeping areas, they all gathered around a fire to make plans for the next day.

"Hey check it out, Merlot 1932," Christian pulled out a wine bottle from a crate.

"Woo now it's a party!" Daniel Bryan exclaimed.

As they passed the bottle around, each member of the group taking a gulp, Wade asked out loud, "Wait, am I the only one here you thinks it's strange that these ruins appeared out of nowhere and that there's all these supplies here as if there were people here…"

"And it's like they all disappeared," finished Jericho.

"We survived a plane crash, walked for hours in the desert with only some water and peanuts, and we find a place with supplies and you're worried about where the people went that left this here?" replied the Miz.

"Yeah Wade you're overreacting again," added Gabriel. "It's possible they didn't find anything so they just left."

Matt passed the bottle to Wade who saddened when only a few drops came out. Matt grinned as he grabbed another bottle from the crate. "There's more where that came from!" Wade looked over to Chris for approval.

Chris shrugged and said, "Sure. You've been working hard."

* * *

A few minutes later everybody was drunk. It's amazing how fast you can get drunk after being deprived of nutrition and sleep.

Please use your imagination because it's really hard to transfer drunk voice in writing. Just picture the superstars acting all drunk like in the movies.

"I need to say something," Bryan steadily got up trying not to fall down. "You guys…don't treat us…right," he burped out.

"Yeah," the rookies mumbled in unison.

"We would follow you guys into battle! We'd be ready to fight for you and do anything," all the rookies nodded, "But you…"

Bryan just stopped there because I think he forgot what he was going to say. Miz wobbled over to Bryan and sat him down and then sat down next to him with his arm around his neck.

"You guysss," he slurred, "You guys just don't know. You just don't know."

He paused and then belched.

"You guys just…don't understand. I love you man," he said looking at Bryan.

"You're my rookie and I love you. We treat you like that because…" Miz blinked really hard trying to get his head focused which is really hard when you drank a bottle of wine.

"We love you guys so much. You don't even know. Come on hug me bro. I care about you."

Everybody cheered and clapped at the sight of such a manly bromance between the two.

"I love you Christian. But man…you…you…" Slater took another sip from the bottle, "You hurt me on the inside and outside."

Christian was looking down on the floor clutching the bottle. He covered his eyes with his other hand and replied, "Heath, Heath, I'm sorry. I don't like hurting you but sometimes I got to."

Christian took a big gulp from the wine bottle and began whimpering. He tried covering his tears with his hand but it didn't work. It was pretty damn obvious he was crying. Heath leaned over to comfort Christian with a hug.

Christian started bawling on Slater's shoulder while saying, "I don't wanna lose you man. I'm…I'm…scared you're gonna leave me."

"Win or lose NXT I promise Christian I'm always gonna be there, naw mean?" The two embraced as the group cheered.

Looks like the pros and rookies worked out their differences.

"When we get back," Barrett announced as he stood up, "We'll form a new alliance of rookies and pros. We shall dominate the WWE and demonstrate to the world that our bond is the strongest ever seen!"

Everybody cheered and raised their bottles of wine. After a few more sips, the conversation changed to who would they bang on the Diva roster, Jericho staying out of it because he's a married man with kids, bless his heart. After a bit of that, the group got tired and everybody just laid themselves on the sand with blankets and sleeping bags under the stars. They all aligned themselves like sardines with the pattern of rookie, pro, rookie, pro.

They all dozed off thinking things were going to be cool from now on because they already had their character-building moment. Usually when those happen, the movie or story is almost over and there's always a happy ending.

Barrett was having trouble sleeping, you know how he likes to brag about how he suffers from insomnia huh? He was having terrible dreams about the group being swallowed up by the sand and forced to fight off mummies and flesh-eating beetles.

"AHH!" He woke up cold and sweating. He looked around to see if everything was normal. Yup, Jericho was sleeping next to him and to his right was the Miz. He suddenly heard a sound and looked around at the eerie ruins.

Wade was good at hearing, sometimes when you tilted his head the right way, he could even pick up a Dodgers game or even police station frequencies. It sounded like whispers. Like a voice was calling to him. Too scared to check it out and too afraid to wake up Mr. Chris Jericho about it, Wade bundled himself up in his sleeping bag and closed his eyes trying to lull himself to sleep singing his favorite Smiths songs in his head.

"Panic on the streets of London, panic on the streets of Birmingham," he whispered over and over and over again until he finally fell asleep.

* * *

**This place is creepy man. I don't know about them staying there. Just saw Land of the Lost so I'm going to try and add some quotes and elements from that so be on the lookout for those! And in the meantime, review! Thanks!**


	6. I think we're in Universal Studios now

**Sorry it's been a while. I had these done but stupid website wouldn't let me upload! It finally did. Anywho, enjoy the story. PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! I put an Even Stevens quote in here...see if you can find it!**

* * *

Daniel Bryan woke up with a start. Something was poking him in the ass. "Hey!" he yelled. He startled the others as he squirmed away from Miz.

"Don't flatter yourself," Miz turned over to Wade's side trying to go back to sleep.

"I wouldn't be surprised after you telling me you love me," Daniel said as he stood up.

"Ok first of all that was Excalibur," he said pulling out a steel rod from his sleeping bag. He brought it from the airplane wreckage.

Yes, he named it. Miz thought he should name the weapon that would one day save his life. Maybe someday an epic would be written of his adventures with Excalibur.

"Second of all," Miz continued, "I was drunk. We _all_ were. Third of all, _you're_ the one thinking that I'm gonna think of you the way you think I'm thinking."

"Wait, what?" Daniel asked. "That made no sense."

Miz rolled his eyes and looked at Wade for agreement. Wade just shrugged and said, "He's got a point. That didn't make sense."

"What the flying shit do you know?" Miz said as he got up, "You're just rookies." Miz stormed off to go pee on the other side of some broken pillar lying in the sand.

At the other end of camp, which was like just a few feet, Wade and Daniel heard Christian yell "Mother of pearl Heath… MOTHER OF PEARL!"

Christian jumped up like he had ants in his pants. Heath was still snoring, but soon Matt and Justin got up too covering their noses and mouths with their hands. "Gross!" said Daniel as the group moved away from heath. Christian threw a rock at Heath to wake him up. "Ow!" Slater scrunched up into a ball holding his head.

"What's the matter with you? We're sharing the same air here we don't need you polluting it!" Christian yelled.

"Man I get gassy in the morning, I can't help it," Slater replied yawning. "So what's for breakfast?"

Daniel went over to a crate and opened it up. "Well let me see. Oh yes, lovely. Lembas bread. And look! More lembas bread. I don't usually hold with foreign food, but this elvish stuff is not bad," he smiled as he pulled out canned beans, fruit, and Spam.

"Nothing ever dampens your spirits does it Sam?" Barrett sheepishly grinned.

"Stupid fat hobbitses," Heath spat out in his best Golem voice.

"Gives it to us raw and wriggly!" Justin tried his hand at a Golem voice which was a fail.

The rookies all burst out in laughter. They did pretty good for quoting Lord of the Rings. Jericho came out of a tent (thought I forgot about him huh?) with plates and utensils. "Pft…Miz was right. You guys are nerds."

* * *

The group sat around a small fire eating their breakfast. Wade brought his plate and sat down next to Chris.

"I heard something last night," he said lowering his voice. Jericho began to eat his Spam more slowly.

"It was very eerie. It was almost as if it was calling us."

Jericho put down his fork and answered, "I think I heard it too. I thought I was the only one who heard it."

"What do you think it is?"

" I don't know. I mean, this whole place, has kind of a creepy feeling to it. Like, I've seen this scenario played out before. I think we should leave. I get the feeling we're being watched."

* * *

Miz zipped up his fly after taking a nice piss. He sighed and turned around to head back to camp. The smell of burning Spam was getting to him. Miz stopped, however, to gaze at the ruins of Anubis statues and pillars and other stuff. He was fascinated by the ancient ruins. As he strayed farther in to the ruins, the sound of the guys at the camp became quieter and quieter.

Miz stopped in front of a piece of ruin. He took Intro to Ancient Egyptian in college so he knew how to read a little bit. He narrowed his eyes as he tried to make out the hieroglyphics. "H-A-M-U-N-A-P-T-R-A," he read out loud. "Huh, that sounds familiar…" Miz mused out loud.

Suddenly Miz began to hear voices, not the ones Randy Orton hears, and quickly turned around to see if anybody was there. There was nobody there.

"Huh, I coulda sworn…" right before Miz could finish his statement, the sand in front of him began to move in waves.

Miz dodged the sand whishing past him. After it stopped moving, Miz looked down at the sand and saw that a really big face was made in the sand. His eyes widened as he said, "Oh shit."

Miz ran out of there like a bat out of hell. "GUYS WE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!" Miz yelled as he ran toward the camp. But the poor sap was too far away so the group couldn't hear him.

* * *

**Sorry short chapter, what do you think is going to happen? OH SNAPS!**


	7. Bilingual Bloodfest

**New chapter! Yay! More action, less comedy. Hope you like. I'm feeling like I might use these guys again in a sequel or something. If you guys like we'll see what happens. IMPORTANT NOTE! I'm going to be busy the next few days moving/research papers for college. Sorry if I don't update soon! I'll be writing hopefully any free time I get to then type it up here. Ok thanks. Remember to Review! Love hearing from you guys. SHOUT OUT TO Mademoiselle Else ! Thank you for reading and reviewing! Enjoy my Anchorman references :D**

* * *

While the group was finishing their breakfast, Christian saw something off in a sand hill. Christian went in "Where's my peeps?" mode.

"What are you looking at?" Gabriel asked.

"I see a guy on horse. No wait two, wait three, four- they keep appearing!"

"Guys! We…gotta…get out…of here!" Miz gasped while he was still trying to catch his breath.

"What are you talking about?" asked Matt.

Miz pointed to the ruins huffing and puffing, "The sand…it moved…bad place…" before Miz could finish, the mystery dudes on the sand dunes came down by the hundreds maybe even thousands. The rode their horses down and quickly approached the camp.

Jericho stood up on a pillar and yelled, "NEWS TEAM ASSEMBLE!"

The group surrounded Jericho to await his orders. "It's morphin' time!" Jericho yelled as he held up his World Heavyweight Championship belt. All the members of the group made cool animal poses similar to those of the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers. With a flash of light, all the wrestlers' wrestling gear appeared on them. NOW they were ready for battle.

The men dressed in black looked like a cross between Zorro and pirates, but they were neither of the two. Almost all of the men dismounted their horses and circled the group of rookies and superstars. Our heroes tightened their circle moving closer to each other anticipating who would be the one to cast the first stone.

"Justin, where did you get a hand grenade?" Jericho asked as he looked around the group.

Justin stood with one hand gripping a grenade and replied, "I don't know," without looking back at Chris.

Two men on horseback came charging at the group and quickly our heroes rolled out of the way. While they tried to gather themselves, the horseman came charging again.

Christian threw an empty wine bottle knocking down one of the guys on horseback. "Two points!" Christian yelled with his arms raised. The bottle bounced and rolled to an old radio back at their camp. It hit the radio which conveniently turned on.

Prodigy's "Smack My Bitch Up" came on, you know that techno song in _Charlie's Angels_ where the angels are fighting Creepy Thin Man. The group looked at each other with "Awh yeah" faces. Even the guy Christian knocked down nodded his head in approval as he began to fist pump. So now that Prodigy was on, the superstars and rookies attacked the group of men.

* * *

Moving to the beat, Wade dodged the swipes of the guy's machete with the speed and dexterity seen only in a perfectly coordinated fight scene. The guy lunged his machete forward and Wade bent out of the way like a salsa dancer shaking his hips sideways and caught the man in the jaw. Then he gave him the ol' one-two, a jab and then an uppercut right under the chin. "SHORYUKEN!" Wade yelled as his fist lifted the man a few feet into the air. Wade likes playing Street Fighter if you didn't know.

* * *

Not so light on his feet, Matt was having a hard time out-running a horse. The man behind him was coming closer and closer and closer. He raised his sword ready to strike Matt. Right before the man brought his sword down on Matt, he screamed in agony. Justin appeared out of nowhere and threw a trident at the man on horseback like a spear. It caught the man right in the chest and he fell off his horse. "Uh...thanks," Matt patted Gabriel on his back. _Where the hell did he get a trident?_ thought Matt.

* * *

Daniel meanwhile was giving the LeBell Lock to a guy who kept tapping on the sand hoping Daniel would release him.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Miz appeared clutching Excalibur. "This isn't the ring! What the shit do you think is gonna happen if he taps out? The bell is gonna ring and we're done fighting here? Kick his ass! Knock the bitch out or something!"

Daniel released the lock a little embarrassed. "Uh...well...um...I guess I got carried away. I forgot this isn't NXT. Maybe I should work on a new finisher move," he nervously laughed as he got up.

Miz wasn't laughing. He wasn't even smiling. He just stared at Daniel with those Mizzy eyes and that Mizzy glare. The guy who tapped out started crawling away from the two.

"I got a finisher for you," Miz raised Excalibur and BONK knocked the guy completely out, maybe into a coma.

Miz turned to Daniel and did the "What?" thing where people semi-lunge at you to try and phase you out or to show you they're boss. Usually ghetto people do it, but it's ok for non-ghetto people to do it too. Jay does it in _Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back_ when he says, "Besides it's not like they know we stole the monkey (pause) bitch."

Miz just walked off to find more guys to fight and Daniel followed like a puppy with his tail between his legs. Miz looked over his shoulder and stopped Daniel.

"Hey," he turned around facing Daniel," Chin up. Shoulders straight."

Miz adjusted Daniel's awkward body posture.

"If my rookie's gonna win NXT, he has to think he can win it, ok?" Daniel goofily smiled back at Miz.

Uneasy at the platonic show of affection from Daniel, Miz punched him, a bit hard. "Ow!" Daniel rubbed his arm.

"You tell anybody I was nice to you I'm gonna shove Excalibur so far up your ass and turn you into a popsicle." He ran off to knock out some other guys and left Daniel standing there dumbfounded. "Ok now I'm confused," he mused aloud to himself.

* * *

Prodigy is still playing by the way. It's the extended mix.

On the other side of the battle, Heath hit a few guys with a Sweetness, yes I also agree that is the stupidest name for a move. In between he'd whip his hair, shake it around, and run his hands through it. He wanted to look good all the time even when he was fighting.

"What the fuck are you doing!" Christian appeared behind Slater looking disgusted. "Uh..." Heath didn't know what to say.

He turned realizing Christian just witnessed him do his thing. "Well...I...you know...just practicing for NXT," Heath stammered as Christian took a few steps forward.

Heath swallowed hard. Christian just narrowed his eyes and began to nod.

"Thinking ahead. I like that. Remind me to buy you one of those Ninja Turtles Popsicles you love so much. Come one let's get in some more practice for NXT on these guys."

Heath's face lit up as he merrily skipped behind his pro. "Yay!" Heath proclaimed in his head.

* * *

Meanwhile Jericho was handling himself pretty well Code-Breaker-ing a bunch of guys. Wade quickly found his pro through the fray and joined him to assist him.

"See that one over there?" Jericho pointed to a man who wasn't really fighting, but just observing the battle scene.

"I think he's the leader. We need to take him out," instructed Chris, "I need you to cover me while I try and make my way over to him."

Wade nodded and began throwing punches left and right. Tossing guys around like a sack of potatoes. Jericho used his World Heavyweight Championship belt as a shield protecting the two from sharp blades.

_And Edge said it was just a stupid belt_, thought Chris.

As Wade threw the last man in front of him, Jericho pounced on the man ready to knock him out into next week.

"Wait what are you doing?" the man asked in an Arabic accent. He had Arabic writing tattooed on his cheeks right under his eyes.

"I'm about to punch the guy who sent a bunch of psychos after me and my friends to attack us!"

"You don't understand! You shouldn't be here! You must leave for your own good! Haven't you guys seen the movie?"

Wade raised an eyebrow and thought, _Movies...we call them films in my country and we don't say we're going to the movies, we say we're going to the cinema..._Unbeknownst to the WWE universe and to the WWE locker room, Wade Barrett's mind drifted into many different things a lot of the time_._

Jericho looked up as the band of men stopped fighting. The rookies and pros gathered themselves in front of the Anubis statute fists raised. They didn't know the fight was about to end. The man kicked Jericho off him and made a break for it. He whistled and a horse came to greet his master. The man mounted the horse and yelled to the men in Arabic. The men began to retreat, staring at our heroes and then staring around the area.

As they quickly retreated the ruins, Christian puffed out his chest and triumphantly yelled, "PUSSIES!"

Now the group was feeling pretty confident. As Wade helped Jericho up after Chris got the wind knocked out of him, the leader man came back and rode around the two as he said, "You were warned." He rode off with his other men and soon they disappeared off into the distance. The rookies and pros cheered as they thought the worst was over. Suddenly, with the awesome timing of a predictable story, a sandstorm suddenly came out of nowhere.

Instantly, our heroes were unable to see in front of them.

"Into the tomb!" yelled Slater.

"No! Not that!" Miz started backing away from the entrance.

"We have no choice. IN" Jericho yelled as he and Wade ran into the tomb tackling Miz on their way in.

The group huddled together as the wind ferociously blew. The sand almost turned the afternoon in the desert into night. It was dark and they could barely open their eyes from the all the sand pelting their faces. The wind blew harder and then the ground began to rumble. The Anubis statue began to move and then THUD. It fell and blocked the entrance to the tomb. As soon as it fell, it got quiet and dark. Amid the darkness and the faint blowing of the wind, Miz said, "Awh shit."


	8. Stay in School Kids

**Longest chapter so far! Thanks to Krazylicious and Mademoiselle Else for reading and stuff! Really appreciate it! **

**I made it long so you guys would have something long to absorb since I'll be spending the next few days typing gross research papers :( Ok enjoy and READ AND REVIEW!  
**

* * *

Matt pulled out his trusty lighter to illuminate the tomb. "Look!" Gabriel pointed to the conveniently placed torches on the floor. The torches were quickly distributed and lit up.

"Well I guess we should just wait here until the storm calms down," said Miz as he dropped himself on the floor sitting against the wall with his legs crossed.

"Uh, no. We have to get out of here. Who knows when the storm will end and besides that, I don't think we can move that statue out of the way. Our best bet is to go into the tomb and find another way out," Matt interjected.

"If by we you mean yourself, then you're right. The rest of us here have this thing called muscle which we use to lift heavy things. What you have is called fat and it only serves to keep you warm." Matt stared at Miz without blinking. The more Matt never said anything after every insult, the more Miz began to fear Matt Hardy.

"Come on Miz, relax. Besides, I think Matt's right," Jericho spoke up, "We should find another way out of here. Looks like we'll have to go that way," he pointed down the corridor.

"No way! You guys don't realize it do you? This place is bad news! When I took a piss, I heard a voice!" Wade and Jericho looked at each other.

"And then the sand moved and made a face! What's worse, I found the name of this place on a piece of rubble. Guys! We're in Hamunaptra!"

The group was quiet. They weren't quite following Miz.

"Oh…OH! I got it now! Yeah I heard that name before! Isn't that like a coffee brand?" asked Heath.

Miz replied with a glare.

Heath shrunk as Miz walked over to him. "Uh tea company? Nut importer? Spice distributor? Textile corporation! No…uh….yoga studio?" Heath stopped guessing and hung his head as he started playing with his fingers.

"IT'S IN _THE MUMMY_!" Miz screamed with his arms wide open. "This is the place where they find the mummy and the dumb bitch reads him back into life!"

"Haven't you guys seen the movies?" Wade whispered.

"What?" Jericho looked at him.

"That man! He said 'Haven't you guys seen the movies?' He meant _The Mummy_! We're in the movie Mr. Jericho!"

The eyes of the men widened when they suddenly realized exactly how grave their situation had become.

"_The Mummy_? What the hell is that? I never saw it," said Justin scratching his head.

"If we make it out alive, I'll let you borrow it, it's a good movie," replied Daniel as he put his arm around Justin's neck.

"Yeah I liked that movie," agreed Heath, "Remember how that fat guy is like 'What do we do?' and O'Connell is like 'Stay here, I'll go get help.'"

"Haha oh yeah and he just jumps over the boat," added Matt.

"Man Benny was my favorite, he's like 'Think about my children!" Jericho put his two cents into the conversation.

"Nah it's all about Johnathan man, he's the best! He stole the show. I wish he was my brother!" This time Christian gave his opinion.

The group began discussing their favorite moments from _The Mummy _and how the sequel was ok , but that the third installment with Jet Li made no sense and was bogus. Still they appreciated that producers tried getting the original cast although Rachel Wiesz was missed.

"GUYS!" Miz screamed getting their attention. "Will you please focus! What are we going to do! If we go in there, we die. We've all seen the movie and know what happens except for Justin. Therefore I propose we use him as a human shield or bait since he won't know what would happen to him anyways."

"What?" Justin protested.

"Hey what you don't know won't kill you," Miz shrugged.

"Nobody's gonna be used as bait or as a shield," Jericho assured Justin who sighed with relief.

"Miz brought up a good point though. We've all seen the movie which means we know how it ends. We can get out of here alive. All we gotta do is not make the same mistakes the characters in the movie made," Jericho explained, "We just stick together, not touch anything and we'll be fine."

The other men nervously glanced at each other. They were uneasy and Jericho's words weren't exactly confidence boosters.

Sensing the anxiety, Jericho put his hand on his hip and asked, "Ok well if you don't like my plan then what the hell else do you suggest we do?"

After a few long seconds of silence, Christian spoke up saying, "He's right. We're dead either way."

"Gee thanks Christian. That makes us feel a lot better," Daniel sarcastically replied.

"You rookies wanna be superstars? You're gonna have to learn to man up and face the truth," Christian answered back.

"Yeah but you guys didn't have to find your way out of some tomb and fight mummies just to get signed to the WWE!" Heath got loud.

"The WWE is not worth this much trouble," Wade murmured to himself.

"Say something?" asked Chris.

"Uh no sir, nothing important," Wade quickly covered up.

"I mean, we might die out here and never make it back to NXT! All the other rookies are probably in a hotel right now and they don't even know where we are!" He started sobbing.

"Not this again," Christian sighed. He held Heath's head against his chest and hugged him and rubbed his back.

"Shh it's ok. Just think puppy dogs and candy canes," Christian began rocking Heath back and forth.

Heath got quieter and reduced his sobbing to sniffling. The other men just stared at Christian.

"What? It's the only way to get him to shut up ok? Don't judge me."

"Umm…yeah ok," Daniel glanced to the sides.

"Don't worry Heath, you can just pretend we're back in Florida playing Bioshock or Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2," Wade tried offering some comforting words.

"I don't know what that is either," Justin quietly said to himself.

"Well if Justin Timberlake over there is done crying me a river," Miz pointed to Heath, "I think we should go now and get this over with."

"Miz is right", said Jericho, "We need to go now. Miz you're gonna be navigator because you can read hieroglyphics."

"Aight," Miz nodded.

Wade looked at Chris a little hurt. He thought he was going to be navigator. Was Mr. Chris Jericho beginning to lose faith in him?

"Alright bitches let's go!" Miz headed out first and the others followed.

* * *

The guys were walking for a few minutes down the ancient corridors as they began to discuss the battle they participated in just a few moments ago.

"Boy that escalated quickly," said Jericho.

"It jumped up a notch," added Christian.

"It did didn't it?"

"Yeah I stabbed at man in the heart," said Justin.

"I saw that," Miz pointed to Justin, "Justin killed a guy. Did you throw a trident?" Miz asked sounding impressed.

Wade narrowed his eyes as he looked at Justin. He wasn't appreciating the sudden attention Justin Gabriel was receiving. He always thought himself as the rookie that stood out the most on NXT and he intended to keep it that way.

"Yeah there were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident," answered Justin.

"Justin I've been meaning to talk to you about that," cut in Matt. "When we get back to the 'States, you should find yourself a safe house or a relative close by. Lay low for a while because you're probably wanted for murder."

_Big deal, I've broken the law plenty o' times,_ Wade thought to himself.

* * *

Their torches illuminated hundreds of hieroglyphics carved into the walls. Miz read stroies of pharaohs and gods, of journeys across the Nile or into the underworld, and of people and animals.

"Find me the one that teaches how to kill mummies heh heh, " Christian tried to lighten the mood.

The others nervously laughed. They appreciated the effort, but they were still pretty darn scared.

The hall finally came to end. The path ended and split up into two paths, one left, one right. On the wall in front of them there was an image of a person with their arms pointing both directions. On their right hand, the ankh symbol was floating above it. Google it if you don't know what it looks like, but I'm pretty sure you've seen that image before. On their left hand, the Eye of Horus was floating above it, again, Google it if you don't know what it is but I promise you've seen that before too.

"Alright Miz get cracking," Jericho pushed Miz forward against the wall.

"Ok, ok chill."

As Miz began trying to read the writing around the image of the person, something caught Justin's eye. On a wall to his right, there were many little shiny things. Justin liked shiny things. I mean have you seen his wrestling gear? Talk about being subtle! They were small round things. As he got closer, and consequently further away from the group, he got a better look. They were in the shape of scarab beetles. Justin thought they looked neat.

"Hey this would go great next to my rock collection!" Justin said to himself. I don't know why, but I get the feeling in real life this guy would collect rocks. He picked up one of the shiny beetles _off the wall _(that's my favorite Michael Jackson song!)."Hm," he examined the curious little thing.

Suddenly, it came to life! The legs spread out and Justin dropped it.

"Holy Springboks!" Justin proclaimed giving a shout out to his country's national rugby team. As the beetle scurried towards him, the other beetles stuck on the wall came to life also and all came after Justin.

* * *

"NO! It says 'chamber of purification' right there!" Miz yelled at Jericho as he pointed to some squiggly lines and birds.

"Then why is there a picture of a guy getting eaten by beetles right here?" asked Daniel.

"Because! In Egypt they would purify bodies sealing them off in a room with those beetles! They thought the beetles would cleanse the flesh to prepare you for the afterlife."

"But this guy is holding a scary looking eyeball," Heath pointed to the large image of the man holding both symbols I talked about earlier.

"Yeah that's the Eye of Horus. It's supposed to be a symbol of protection from evil."

"So it looks like both ways are bad choices," said Matt.

"No shit fatso. Did I not just make that clear?"

"Well which way do we go then?" asked Wade.

"Hmm…My guess is the right. If that's a 'purification chamber' it's highly likely there are other rooms connecting to it and perhaps to an exit. Research shows there were many exits used to transport, uh, the 'tools' necessary for mummification."

The men looked at each other and gulped.

"I'm guessing the guy is holding the Eye of Horus here because that way leads to trouble. It could be that he's holding it to show that there's evil that way so you're gonna need the protection from Horus."

"Man I'm so glad you got stranded with us. I'm impressed," Jericho grinned as he patted Miz on the back.

Wade just stared at Jericho as if his pro walked up to him, grabbed his holographic first edition Charizard and tore it in half right in front of him.

Miz just shrugged, "Ancient Egypt 302 isn't a hard class and I don't call myself awesome for nothing either."

Then Daniel looked up at all the men and asked, "Hey, where's Jus-" before he could finish he was cut off with the sound of Justin's "AHH!" coming from the path on the right.

Justin was running towards them and the group didn't need to look twice to see the swarm of flesh-eating scarab beetles behind him. Our heroes ran down the path Miz said not to take. As soon as the beetles almost reached them, the group fell through a pit they didn't notice. They fell through to a room. They heard the scurry of the beetles getting louder so they quickly got up and ran. Suddenly there was a rumble and the ceiling and walls began to move. The walls were getting closer and closer.

"Hurry! In there!" yelled Heath who was leading the group ahead. Heath slid for home base under a wall that was closing. The others quickly followed his lead rolling and sliding under the wall that was about to close shut. Unfortunately for Matt, he got stuck.

"Suck it in!" Christian yelled as the group began pulling Matt trying to get him on their side.

"Hurry guys I feel them beetles coming!" Matt squealed. The group pulled and pulled with yielding no results. Strangely enough, the wall didn't seem to move down. Matt's belly stopped it from squishing him.

As the others began to pull again, Miz said, "Oh fuck this." And jumped on Matt's belly flattening it just enough so that Matt would get through. THUD. The wall slammed down onto the floor shut. The group heard the beetles scurry against the wall and then the sound of their little legs faded away. Once again, our heroes were trapped.

* * *

**Ok hoped you liked it because I won't be writing a chapter for a few days. I might get one in on Wednesday. Sorry guys! Hope you like this one! Let me know if I should make a sequel and what it should be about. Thanks again! And poor Matt, but that's what he gets for leaving WWE and going to TNA...**


	9. Raiders of the Lost Sausage

**Yay I got the internets! Ok well um this is gonna end soon and I don't think I'll write another story. So enjoy this while it lasts :)**

* * *

The group lay on the floor trying to catch their breath. Running for their lives was probably the best workout they've ever gotten. The group found themselves in a large room unable to see through the darkness. It was cold and the air smelled old. Couple of thousands of years actually…Lucky for the guys, they still had their torches and relit them.

After catching his breath, Christian stood up bent over with his hands on his knees. "Ok, who the hell forgot to watch Justin?" he yelled in a crescendo.

"Yeah," Miz sneered at Matt.

"Uh…I saw…something…so I left to check it out," stammered a very timid Justin.

Wade was quite amused. He enjoyed the suffering of others. It tickled him inside.

" I picked up one of those beetles. I didn't think it would come to life."

"You're lucky we gout outta there," said Daniel, "If they caught up to us, well, we wouldn't be here."

Justin gulped.

"Yeah they get under your skin and eat you from the inside out. After they're with you all that's left is skin and bones," Miz told Justin in his Miz-ish way trying to scare Justin even more.

"Justin you have to remember not to touch anything. Right now we can't treat this place like it's somewhere back home. Being careless could get you killed," Jericho added as Justin hung his head in shame.

"Well now that we got flesh-eating beetles out of the way," Christian said checking off an imaginary checklist, "What else is next?"

"The mummy?" asked Heath. Jericho looked to the others who were thinking.

"Actually yeah. That's the next thing in the plot," Daniel nodded as he looked over onto Wade's Blackberry who was already Googling the answer.

"Um yeah that's right, good Daniel," Jericho said.

Wade glared at the rookie next to him and said to him in a low voice, "Soon as we get back, I'm gonna Wasteland you all the way through China."

"Uh…" Daniel looked puzzled. "Wouldn't I have to be in Argentina for that to happen?" he thought to himself as Wade walked away.

"How did the mummy come back to life again?" Matt asked.

"That lady got drunk and read him out of a book right?" answered Heath while he scratched the back of his head.

"Yeah, yeah! She read life back into him! Uh I think it was the book of death or something like that," added Miz.

"Yeah the Book of the Dead!" exclaimed Christian.

"Ok so Justin, whatever you do, do NOT read out of any books you find," Miz instructed to Justin.

"Heh yeah or make out with another guy," snickered Christian.

Justin groaned loudly like an annoyed teenager when they're mom nags them to do chores.

"I WAS HIGH OK? THAT WAS A ONE TIME THING!" Justin shrieked causing the others to jump. "IT WAS IN college and I…uh…"Justin got quiet as the group stared eyes wide open in shock.

A couple of minutes of went by as they all stared at him. Some rats scurried across the sand, some pebbles fell from the top, a woman found a thumb in her chilli from Wendy's in the USA, a boy in Japan got his Pokemon Red data all jacked up because he caught a Missing No., tourists in Mexico were getting ripped off on "Ray-Bueno" sunglasses trying to pass off as Ray-Bans, and somewhere, in a remote location, a young girl typed away on her computer screen a WWE fan fiction story…

Back to Egypt where our heroes found themselves in an awkward silence.

"Justin, he was talking about the girl in the movie. She makes out with the mummy," Jericho broke the silence still staring at Justin Gabriel with wide eyes.

"Oh, heh heh," Justin patted the back of his head. "Well you know how college is…you do crazy stuff," Justin tried playing it off as he nervously laughed a dry, hollow, empty, forced out laugh.

Wade took 3 large steps away from Justin and replied, "Yeah but we did it with girls."

The other guys all nodded in agreement as they all backed away from Justin.

"You owe me 50 bucks," Matt stuck out his hand toward Miz.

"Alright alright. Just don't go and blow it all on Twinkies," Miz said as he pulled out a 50 dollar bill from his trunks.

Miz immediately looked up at Matt when he realized he had just made another crack about Matt's weight. He nervously stared at Matt who just took the money and quietly said, "Thanks" as he put the bill in his jean pocket.

Meanwhile Justin looked at Matt confused. "You…bet…think…gay…because…of…I am?" Justin couldn't find the right words to express his astonishment.

"Don't sweat it kid. I'll vote for your people to get married."

"Psh well I won't," Miz retorted, "I'm a Republican!"

The group started debating gay marriage for a while. Justin tried breaking it up by saying, "I'm not gay! I like girls!"

"Ok when you get a girlfriend, I'll believe it," Daniel sarcastically replied.

"Yeah not even Kelly Kelly would date you, and she dates ANYBODY," Jericho brought up as the rest of the pros all laughed and elbowed each other knowingly. The other rookies, except Justin, laughed because they've heard the stories about Kelly Kelly.

"Alright fine. You'll see," Justin pouted, "I'll date Kelly Kelly and prove to you guys I'm not gay!"

The others laughed at Justin. Of course they didn't believe him. They went back to arguing, ignoring Justin.

Finally Justin cut in and screamed, " I'M NOT A FAG! IF YOU WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR TIME ARUGING THEN THAT'S FINE BY ME. I'M GOING TO TRY AND FIND A WAY OUT OF HERE. IN CASE YOU FORGOT, WE JUST FELL 20 FEET IN TO A ROOM WE CAN'T EVEN SEE BECAUSE IT'S SO FUCKING DARK. SHUT THE FUCK UP, GET YOUR DAMN TORCHES, AND LIGHT THIS PLACE UP SO WE CAN GET OUT OF HERE!" The others stared at Justin for a few seconds before quickly following his orders.

"Say it don't spray it," Miz muttered to Heath as he picked up his torch.

* * *

The guys illuminated the walls to see where they were going. The came to the end of the wall and felt just empty space next to it.

"Hey light me up over here! I feel something!" Daniel stood in a dimly-lit corner. As Heath hurried over with his torch, the light revealed a copper dish on top of a pedestal. A liquid was dripping from the tip of it.

"What's that?" As Heath pointed his torch towards the dish, the liquid immediately lit up on fire.

The flame ran against the wall in a straight line toward other dishes on other pedestals. In about 15 seconds, the flame illuminated 10 large dishes placed around the room. The light from the flames gave our heroes a pretty good look of the place. Their eyes widened.

"Knights of Columbus!" Jericho exclaimed.

"Sweet Lincoln's mullet!" gasped Christian.

"By the beard of Zeus!" swore Daniel.

"Oh shit! We just hit the jackpot!" yelled Miz.

There were piles of treasures from golden scepters, to jewel encrusted crowns, necklaces, coins, and anything else you could imagine.

"Wait hold on!" Justin cautioned the group.

"Didn't you just get through telling me NOT to touch anything?"

The group looked at Justin after they had decorated themselves with treasures and stuffed their pockets with anything they could find.

Matt spit out the jewels he stuffed in his mouth. It was a lot of jewels in there. Over the years Matt was able to stuff more and more things into his mouth.

The others began emptying their pickets. Those who don't wear pants emptied the treasures out of their trunks reducing their, um, "bulge" to its natural and proper size.

"Wait a minute, nothing happens in the movie when they people loot the place," Daniel stopped everyone.

"Yeah but the greedy people are the ones that ALWAYS get screwed," the superstitious Heath continued to remove all treasures from his sparkly trunks.

The group began to argue whether or not it was safe to take these shiny and valuable objects. Christian compared Aladdin's misfortune to theirs and claimed Justin was the equivalent to a greedy Abu, blaming him for the events in the last chapter that I'm too lazy to summarize. Miz shot back saying they were more like the Goonies and that they should be fine as long as they leave some for "One-eyed Willy."

While the argument intensified, Wade's satellite ears picked up a noise. It sounded like the voice he heard before. It was louder this time. It sounded like an old moan with a hint of death. "Um fellas," Wade began but before he could warn the group anything, a breeze began to pick up and from the other end of the massive room, a dark cloud of sand came whirling towards the group while putting out the flames that lit up the room.

Our heroes clung to each other, which by now they were used to doing.

"It's him isn't it?" asked Wade as he hung to his pro.

"I don't understand," answered Jericho, "He's not supposed to come out unless we read that book."

"Who?" asked Justin.

"Maybe somebody else did it before we got here," Daniel added his input.

"Who?" Justin tried again a little louder this time.

"Maybe he never really left," Christian ignored Justin.

"Yeah I mean he came back after being taken away to the underworld," Heath also ignored Justin.

"And in the second movie he was sent back into the underworld so there's no reason why he couldn't be back now," Miz concluded.

"Who?" Justin desperately looked at the others for an answer.

"Well he never really-" before Matt could finish, Justin screamed "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

Annoyed, the guys rolled their eyes and all yelled in unison, "IMHOTEP!"

Just then the black cloud of wind and sand stopped right in front of them and began to swirl. A figure began to manifest itself as the sand seemed to collect and build on the figure. The group looked in shock, others in disgust as bones and ligaments formed followed by muscles. Once the figure was assembled the wind and sand disappeared leaving behind a bald man with ancient robes on. The group look at the man as they began to tremble.

Christian glanced at Justin as he pointed his finger and said, "THAT'S who we were talking about."


End file.
